Easter holds a special feeling in my heart. I would like to say that it's more important to me than Christmas (however Christmas's mass gifting-giving makes it not so ㅠㅠ).

Easter is the day we can celebrate Christ's butt-kicking, triumphant, absolutely brilliant victory over Death by His pivotal resurrection from the grave. There's nothing more resounding to me than the thought of victory over Death. For that in itself is what led me to accept Christ as my Lord so that I would strive to follow His ways.

When I was a kid of about 8 or 9, I became deeply impressed with my spiritual emptiness. By that, I mean, I began to become very afraid of Death and being "Lost" and "Alone" and my own inability or powerlessness. Thus, even though I was young, I prayed very seriously that I was a sinner who deserved Death, that Jesus should urgently save me, and that I would follow Him. I became a Christian out of the need for "fire insurance" so to speak.

This was about the same time that word was getting around that my older sister, Kristen, accepted Christ. No doubt, there was questioning whether my own desire was sincere or if it were a copycat. Indeed, Christianity had consumed my whole family immediate and distant, so it would be easy to say that I would be "Christian" because of not knowing any better. That was obviously the parental concern at the time shared by the pastor too. But, I realized this at least subconciously that if I were to become "Christian" it would require nothing but a full-hearted approach, something I would need to take on independently. Thus, I had try to be sincere in my acceptance. And even, when my sister and I were baptized on the same day, I felt confident in about the decision.

However, in the years through middle school and high school and even part of college, faith has not necessarily been terribly easy. The first obstacle came in middle school when I started to question whether God would really save me from sin or if He would let me die. I never doubted there were a God but I sometimes would doubt if He was sincere in saving me. Because, I was so scared of Death and its power. Whenever I read books, especially my favorite ones, I always tried to take as much time as possible to read them, putting off the ending as long as possible. I hated endings! When the story is over, it's over. That's it! Finished. The end. No more life or energy or emotion. In the same way I feared Death's capability.

What helped me to overcome this thinking was to realize after many years is that God is working in this world. God is not passive. He will not sit back and watch His faithful people die without saving them. This comes through me watching God's interaction in my life and in other people's life. Stories of God speaking through friends or me when guidance is needed; stories of healing and prophecy; stories of divine peace in tough situations. God is certainly at work, so He must also be at work at saving those who are in Christ.